Monday, March 22, 2010

March Question Month: Service

Patty said...

What do you feel is the difference between just having to clean house and serving domestically? I have to clean house no matter if I am owned or not so what makes it serving if I had to do it anyway? I had to buy a gift for his Mom even if I wasn't owned by him because he is a man and gift buying usually falls to women. I do crafts for me because I am enjoy them so what makes it a service to him? It is hard for me to wrap my mind around that I am serving him by doing those things.

For me, it became a service to him when I stopped being in control of the how, when and where of it all.

Before him, I was a single mom and you're right, I had to cook and clean and shop for myself and the kids. But I was in control of it.

I could clean one room and then quit for the day. Or I could spend 4 hours tackling one messy closet. I could do nothing and order pizza for dinner if I wanted to. We could eat at 5pm or 10pm. I could leave the dinner dishes until I felt like doing them three days later.

I could rearrange furniture, change decorations, not mow the lawn, cook whatever I wanted however I wanted. I could not make my bed, do laundry once a week, put the clothes away if I felt like it.

It is all about control for me because I can't do any of that stuff anymore.

He expects a clean house, the entire thing, every day. He expects the bed made every day. His laundry washed, dried, folded and put away in a very particular manner. Dinner is cooked every night and on the table at a certain time unless HE decides to eat out.

Having to do it is not the service. Having to do it in a manner that pleases him is the service.

I don't do a lot of crafts, and when I do, I'd say it's more for myself than a service for him. The only time it feels like a service for him is when he tells me to make something as a gift or specifies how he wants something made because he has a certain person in mind to give it to. At least if I'm crafting things as gifts, I'm (probably) saving him money and that is certainly a service to his wallet. ;)

1 comment:

  1. I know this one is a very old post, but I get back here to read it again every once in a while, because this "Having to do it is not the service. Having to do it in a manner that pleases him is the service." has inspired me over and over again during the last few years. I just wanted to say thanks for this, kaya.



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