You turkey!

Okay guys. Hold on to your panties because I'm about to blow your minds with the most delicious turkey boob recipe EVAR. Moist, flavorful, tender, moist, flav-... nevermind. You get me.

It's hella difficult but don't give up! I know you can do this. 10 steps. If you've mastered the kitchen like I have, you'll have no trouble.

First: Go buy you a turkey breast.

Second: Open it and rinse it and take out the little bag of wtf-is-that? and throw it away. Or do whatever it is one is supposed to do with it. I don't care. ~flaps hand~

Third: Take out your slow cooker and either toss a couple of pats of butter in the bottom or spray it with some cooking spray.

Fourth: Put your turkey boob in. I do mine breast side down, but I don't know if that's a law necessarily.

Fifth: Open an envelope of dry onion soup mix (or make your own spice concoction) and sprinkle it over your boob.

The turkey boob. Not yours, pervert. Gawd... can't take you people anywhere...

Sixth: Put the lid on the crock pot, turn it on low and let that baby cook all day long. Go spend your time lounging on the couch, reading Fetlife and Facebook and snarking on blogs doing Very Important and Meaningful slave's work.

Seventh: Serve. Nuke up a sweet potato and have a mini-Thanksgiving celebration. Or make a turkey sandwich. Or have a turkey-salad-on-lettuce roll up. Or just have a plate of turkey. I've done all of them. No shame.

Eighth: Just try and stop eating it. I dare ya.

Ninth: Do not care if the rest of the household has declared turkey to be "gross" and serve it for dinner every night for a week. What? I'm not running Cafe Mom here! Hmmph. Ungrateful spawn.

Tenth: Come back and lavish me with praise. No, no, don't hurry. I'll wait. I'll just be over here doing my Very Important and Meaningful slave's work.