Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Spirit and Attitude of Domestic Service

Dakrish asked: If any of you could write about the spirit of housekeeping and domestic service? There's stuff we can do, but without the right attitude it's just... empty. Perhaps someone could describe how you, yourself, go about finding that attitude?

"The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest." ~ Thomas Moore

I know I get much of my attitudes on homemaking (that I apply to my domestic service) from my Mom. Although she isn't a slave she just really wanted our home to be a haven for our family and all that entered it. My Mom has almost always worked a full time job and I know she struggled to juggled it all. She would have enjoyed being a full-time homemaker. She just has this spirit that you see in her home. The food she prepares, the flowers on the table, the candle burning in the living room, the light in the window on for when you arrive late at night and in so many other little touches throughout the house. They all made people feel welcome in our home.

My Mom would clean on Saturdays because she worked during the week. She did light cleaning throughout the week often. But the deep cleaning came on Saturday. And you would smell the vinegar (as her main cleaning supply is vinegar), hear music coming from the turn table (yes back in that time of record albums) and my Mom singing along with it and see the light streaming through all the open windows as she aired the house out. It felt good to wake up that way. It felt good to see the light in the house not only from the open windows but the light that came with the cleaning.

Oddly enough when I was a very little girl, I dreamed of growing up and being a big city girl and the idea of hearth and home were far far away from me. It didn't sound appealing. It wasn't until I was out on my own that the ideas of hearth and home called to me. I took many of those things my Mom did and applied them to my own home. I opened windows to air out the house, I bought a bouquet of flowers just because and arranged them on the dining room table, I had little pretty soaps and towels out for guest in the bathroom, I served cookies on pretty plates and just tried to make my home a warm and welcoming place for all that entered.

There was a time in my life though where I stopped enjoying it. And eventually stopped trying. I did what I had to clean. But I didn't create a warm happy home because it wasn't a happy home for me. So I stopped really doing all things that had at one time made me feel so good but instead made me feel angry, sad and resentful. I really was fearful if I would ever like to do anything domestic ever again.

When I first became Master's property and the possibility of me being a stay-at-home slave came up, it made me nervous. I mean I had done that before and enjoyed it but I also had come from my not-so-happy domestic situation so that dark cloud was making me nervous I couldn't do it again. But I surprised myself. Soon Master's house was organized and cleaned in ways I don't think he ever thought about. He enjoyed it. And I did too. I enjoyed seeing that whatever I had done that day while he was at work was now helping him at home. Be it just be able to relax more knowing I took care of cleaning the toilet, changing the sheets, making dinner and all the other chores or be it that I organized his home office and the many other areas throughout the house so that they worked better for him.

He encouraged me to explore and expand on all things domestic. And it was seeing how it he enjoyed it and how things I did often it helped him that really caused me to enjoy it. Yes some days it was just cleaning the toilet. But at the end of the day the whole of what I did I knew helped him relax and have a nice haven to come home to after a long stressful day at work. So when I woke up in the morning, thinking I really don't want to do laundry today, I would remember that it helped his life. And although I might trudge through it - that I did it - was that all that mattered at the end of the day.

Two years ago Master started his own business that took him from working outside his home to working from home. And his business also requires my help. So I have lost some of my focus that I had before. I don't know how people that work outside the home do it all. But I truly admire them.

So I do have a lack of focus a lot and sometimes it is just faking it until I make it. It does feel empty at times but eventually I feel that spark of what is about for me - Him. I pay attention to the task in front of me instead of thinking about other things. To be in the moment. It isn’t easy but I remind myself that what I am doing helps him. And often I have to remind myself that several times but again in the end it is doing what I can to enhance his life. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is hard work. But I don't want to give it up. In the big picture, I enjoy enhancing his life in any way I can but I do get a sense of accomplishment in serving him through domestic service.


  1. Danae,
    This is lovely. I do work outside of the home, the D/s relationship I am in is also not 24/7, but I do try very hard to make my home a welcoming refuge for him when he is here. I find that attitude is everything. When I keep house with the right attitude, it is much easier than just having to do chores. Your site here has been a help in doing that.

  2. Thank you Alice for your very sweet comment! I am glad that the blog is useful to you!



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