March Question Month: To-do Lists

Anonymous asks: When you can't keep your focus or get overwhelmed by the endless to-do list, what helps on stay on track to get it all done?

For me, it helps to break those overwhelming lists into smaller lists. Instead of focusing on the big picture and ultimately throwing in the towel because it seems an impossible task, I rewrite the lists into manageable portions. You can divide daily tasks into morning and afternoon tasks. Do one weekly task a day. You can assign bigger projects to one afternoon a week, or one weekend day.

Prioritize things with the help of the ones who care. For instance, I might think that it's a huge deal that I don't dust every single day, when Master only thinks it's necessary to dust once a week. I can then scratch dusting off of the daily chore list, guilt-free. If you've really just got too much on your plate, sit down and figure out which things have to go. There really are only so many hours in the day, and so much energy to go around. Maybe that 3 acre garden needs seriously downsized. Maybe the artsy side business needs to be shelved for a few years. Maybe every night home-cooking organic and creative meals can wait until the mandatory overtime at work is cut out. Maybe hiring a once a week/once a month maid service is feasible and opens up time to rejuvenate.

Find out what makes things go a little more smoothly. If shopping day is Monday, then Sunday night means going to bed with morning chores completed; then Monday doesn't feel so rushed. If certain days of the week run later and making dinner is stressful on those days, choose another day that has more time and make a meal ahead of time, or make a double batch a few nights (which is barely any extra work at all) and pop them in the freezer.

Sometimes I use a timer to help. I can set the timer for 15 or 30 minute intervals and spend that much time tackling one huge task that I find overwhelming, like organizing a closet or storeroom. Looking at it in terms of minutes rather than completion helps me to find the gumption to go at it. I can do anything for 15 minutes. If I want to work at it longer, I do, but I don't allow myself to quit until the timer goes off. And if it takes me several days to complete it, that's okay. I AM completing it and that's the bottom line, plus I'm not crabby, tired, frustrated or irritable in the process. Nor am I doing it at the expense of ignoring other necessary chores.

Delegate, delegate, delegate. Got kids? Use them. My 2 yr old granddaughter loves to put the silverware away when I unload the dishwasher. She likes matching the spoons and forks and she loves to help. Win-win. My older kids do their own laundry, which cut down significantly on my loads. When my son walks to the bus stop, he takes the garbage out with him. When my daughter goes to take a shower, she scoops the litter box. Streamline it for them, too, and there is less balking.

Good luck!

Tuesday Tips: New Year's Edition

In lieu of the regular Tuesday Tips post, I wanted to change it up a bit and make it more personal. I came across an article that seemed to fit in with the theme of the New Year when people are prone to making resolutions. This isn't a list of things to do-it's a list of things to stop doing.

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself by Marc 

Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.

Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.

Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Shared from Marc and Angel Hack Life.

Happy New Year!

Discipline and motivation

An exchange with a friend about self discipline and motivation... I thought it might be interesting to others as well.

"I wondered about keeping yourself motivated. I am usually a fairly self disciplined person, but in the past 6 months or so, I have noticed that I am "slacking" off in certain areas of my life, exercise, housekeeping, diet etc...It hasn't really become a huge issue yet, but for those of us without Dominants/Masters to help keep you in line - what "tricks" do you use when you find yourself backsliding?"

I'm extremely goal oriented and driven. I write down my goals and commit to making them happen. Sometimes certain ones take a backseat for a while but that is just a matter of priorities. I can't make more hours in the day.

Another reason why I write down my goals is because I like to cross them off my list, and see what I've accomplished in a month, two months, a year, five years. Accountability and commitment.

Now... back to staying on track domestically. :) I consider myself domestic mostly because I like living well. And for me that means creating a home environment (for myself, or my owner) that is soothing, peaceful, calm, clean and comfortable. For me, it is a matter of mindset. I used to have a hard time doing things for myself. I would do it for my master, but when it came down to just doing it for me, I would be more apt to let it slide.

When I was single, I realized I could always be *awaiting the one*, and in the meantime, I'd be letting things slide here and there if he wasn't there to enforce me getting stuff done. I could cook and serve a formal dinner to someone else, but when it is just me, I'd just grab a snack here and there because it didn't seem worth going through the trouble.

But my happiness is just as important as any future master's. So now if I am single, I do it because I am worth taking the extra time and energy for- its a form of self love. So is exercising, eating right, improving myself- I'm not only improving my life in the meantime and creating my own happiness, but I am improving the value of the potential property.

My house is my sanctuary and my refuge from the craziness that comes from trying to do more things than I have time or energy for. So it is very important to me that I keep it in order, uncluttered, clean-- my time in my home balances out the chaos from work and social life, and lets me unwind. Because I am so busy, I found it easiest to write out all the weekly tasks that I need to do to keep my home the way I want to.

Then I break them up into what I can fit into a 30 minute time period. I open the windows during the half hour and air out the house, and set a timer for 30 minutes for focused, steady work. If I need to, I do 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night. Anything I skip gets added to the next night and weekends are my catch up times.

Just as an example, I might plan out the following:

• Monday: scrub the bathrooms, put out fresh towels, wipe down the kitchen and put fresh sheets on the bed
• Tuesday: mop, sweep, wipe down the kitchen and bath
  
• Wednesday: clean out the fridge, make up my shopping list, and wipe down the kitchen and bath
  
• Thursday: tidy my bedroom (change pillowcases) and living room, and wipe down the kitchen and bath
  
• Friday: dust, vacuum, wipe down kitchen and bath
  
• Weekends: Laundry, grocery shopping, filling up the car/washing it, cleaning ceiling fans

Then I build those into my calendar so they pop up and remind me.

If needed: Once a month, I set aside an afternoon for one task (organizing spare room, purging closet, cleaning out garage) as well as an afternoon for things like shampooing carpets, wiping out fridge and oven.

Mostly, I try to do certain things every day: air out the bed, make it, wash dishes and put them away, put away shoes and laundry into hamper. The rest is just simply making the rest into a habit of cleaning 30 minutes a day to maintain. 30 minutes is not so much, and it will make a world of difference. And if not 30, then 20.

Even when I was single, this practice helped me stay on top of things so that if I ever served someone who wanted me to keep the house clean *and* spend time with them, I could keep the housework minimal and spend the extra time doing more fun things :) If you stay on top of it, it doesn't seem overwhelming-- especially since you already have a lot on your plate with working two jobs, socializing/dating, exercising, getting enough sleep, etc.

And if housework is not your thing... there are options so you don't have to do it, which opens up time to do the things you do want to do. Pay someone else, do a trade, have a friend come over to help and then go to their house the next weekend... but do something to get it off your list of things to do.